Atlantis's Betty Crocker Thanksgiving Cook Off
by Lady Lemons
Summary: FarFetched and full of fluff. BUT I felt compelled to write it. Totally Complete now. Title is pretty self explanatory and it gets better as it goes. Feedback would be appreciated, but not required.
1. Chapter 1: Elizabeth Gets an Idea

_Ok I know it's kinda past Thanksgiving, but I wanted to finish this so ignore the holiday aspect of it and it's just a humor fic. Anyway this fic has been tweaked a little and revisited so the first two chapters have been reposted with the revisions. Yep sorry this took so long for me to come back to!_

Chapter One: Elizabeth gets an idea!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir sighed as she straightened the papers on her desk and looked around at her office. It was _her_ office. She smiled at that thought because for a while she had doubted that she would ever get to sit in her chair at this desk as the leader of the Atlantis expedition. Everything just felt right with this job, anything less made her feel incomplete as if a part of her had died. It was as John said before they left _it was all down hill for her now_. She had spent all her time on Earth cooped up in her apartment as a lost soul eating take out and watching TV. But it had all changed now that she was back. As she had unpacked that last box and straightened those few papers on her desk she could breathe a sign of relief that things would finally be getting back to normal, or at least as normal as they ever got in Atlantis.

She glanced down at her planner and looked at the date. It was November 18, only a few days until Thanksgiving. That made her think, _wow we all really have so much to be thankful for_. Mainly getting rid of those pesky Replicators had been the biggest feat to overcome, but thanks to her best team and Carson they had won. It had been touch and go for a while, and they had gone through so many 'plans' that it made her smile to think that it was probably a good thing that she didn't go off world on too many missions because it certainly wasn't easy. Then there was the issue of the SGC allowing them all to come back. Yeah, it was amazing how much trouble they could have gotten in, that they should have gotten in, but didn't. Good ol' General O'Neill was definitely a large player in the damage control that their little stunt created. Of course just about everyone from the expedition had been immediately on board when they got the call saying they could go back to Atlantis. Yes this was their home, her home and she felt that they needed to celebrate this lovely fact.

An idea came to her as she thought back to the numerous hours of TV she had watched while back on earth. Hmm, yeah she thought… this could get interesting! However, she would have to ok it with the SGC and see if they wouldn't mind helping out a tiny bit.


	2. Chapter 2: Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy

Chapter Two: Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy gets a mission

a/n: Well now it gets better, at least not so sappy and more on the funny side. Plus the rest of the gang makes their first appearance.

_Well it's all settled_ Elizabeth thought as she walked away from the gate room after her regularly scheduled meeting with the SGC. All she had left to do was fill everyone in on her sneaky, but wonderful, plan. Thankfully there had hardly been anyone in the gate room during her conference and those that had, had been sworn to secrecy until she saw fit to announce it to the city. Although things, even things meant to be secret, moved pretty quickly around the Atlantis grapevine so she had better get a move on and spill the beans before someone else did. And there was no time like to present to do it.

As she neared the conference room the familiar sounds of childish, yet semi-amusing, bickering reached her ears. Yep it was that time again, time for the always eventful senior staff meeting.

"McKay, the Daedalus has been here what two, three days and you have already managed to eat all of the blue jello, horde enough power bars to last you from now until Christmas, and stockpile almost the entire shipment of coffee to use as your personal supply."

They had turned the corner and Elizabeth could see them now as she walked into the room.

"What? Hey that is so unfair. Firstly ok, I need the power bars for health reasons. Two I didn't eat _all_ of the blue jello. Ronan ate some of it. He likes it too. And thirdly I didn't take the entire supply of coffee, only enough so satisfy my needs!" whined McKay.

They entered the conference room and set down. Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon, Dr. Beckett, and Colonel Caldwell were already seated getting ready to begin.

"Those needs being such so that you never have to sleep again?"

"Back up the bus, you wanna talk about hogging stuff? When you left the supply room all of the hair care products went with you!" Cried McKay.

At this point everyone looked up from what they were doing to watch the two go at it.

Rather loudly Sheppard replied "I DO NOT USE HAIR CARE PRODUCTS!"

"And I suppose Caldwell took them?" This got Rodney an evil glare and a "hey!" from Colonel Caldwell. " Who are you kidding?" Remarked Rodney.

Ronon getting in his word quota for the meeting decided to jump in and asked, "So how _do_ you get your hair to go like that then?"

Everyone seated around the table smirked at this, even Elizabeth had to hide a smile. Sheppard just glared at everyone and looked about ready to give a smart-ass remark when Teyla intervened. "I believe we are here for a meeting, are we not?"

This caused John to put on his wounded puppy dog look; he would deal with Rodney and now Ronon later, everyone else focused their attention on Elizabeth.

"Alright, first on the agenda Major Lorne's team brought back some interesting artifacts from their last mission off world. Rodney, I would like you and Radek to find out what they do. Secondly we have a bunch of new people Colonel Caldwell has kindly brought to stay at our humble abode who need to been shown the ropes and brought up to speed. John, Ronon, and Teyla would you all be so kind as to put them through do's and don'ts of the Pegasus Galaxy just so they are prepared."

This was received with affirmative nods from all of the respective parties. Now to the best part of all.

Elizabeth began, "As you all know we are always in need to fresh supplies and variety in our food supplies so I have a particular request for you all."

"Wait, what about all of the supplies we brought on the Daedalus?" Caldwell interjected.

"Yeah, well, we always need food 'cuz _someone who shall remain NAMELESS_, likes to eat everything!" Sheppard cut in.

This earned him a glare from Elizabeth, "Yes well then I guess you would not mind going on a little trip to pick up some more."

"A supply run? Can't we get some newbies to do that? Come on we are so past this! We have several allies who would so share food with us so it's not like there is a huge risk in going!" Rodney complained.

"Yes Rodney we could, you are going to a planet that you are fairly familiar with and like, I hope, I just thought you could kill two birds with one stone since at least one of you will already be there tomorrow anyway, so why not make it a group outing." Replied Elizabeth.

"Whoa, you don't mean what I think you mean?" John said. "I was looking at a nice easy McKay free day. But now you want to make me some kind of errand runner?"

"That would be Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy." Chimed Rodney.

"Ok I am soo going to kill you McKay!" Snapped John.

"Would someone please be kind enough to enlighten the rest of us?" questioned Teyla.

"Yes, of course Teyla," replied Elizabeth," as you know the intergalactic bridge was destroyed by the SGC after we decided to sneak back to the city. Well it has been rebuilt and tomorrow Colonel Sheppard was scheduled to test it, again, and have a slight stay over time on Earth. Well since it is nearing Thanksgiving I thought we could celebrate our return to the city with a feast of our own, with a little twist of course."

"Thanksgiving is what?" Interrupted Ronon.

"Pilgrims, football, turkey, napping, and more football. A really good holiday actually, I'll explain it to you later" Said John.

"Yes, well I thought that it would boost morale if anyone who wanted to, made their favorite dish. Only I added a little twist to spice things up a bit. We could have a little contest to see who is the best cook. Anyone who wants to can submit their name and dish under a certain category and the best dish will be declared the winner and receive a prize." Elizabeth continued.

Teyla spoke up," I think it is a wonderful idea Elizabeth. May I invite anyone from the mainland to partake in this celebration and contest?"

"Of course Teyla. I will be posting a list in the mess for anyone to sign up and make a list of the supplies and ingredients they will need. I am asking you all to go with John on his run and pick up the supplies. I have already cleared this with the SGC who actually liked the idea."

Elizabeth looked at everyone. Teyla seemed into it, Caldwell kind of indifferent, Beckett seemed to be pondering potential dishes, John well he was just being John, and Rodney looked like he was just itching to ask a question. "Yes Rodney?"

"Uhh who is going to judge? You?" Rodney asked. "I mean I never though of you as the cooking type?"

"Oh that's nice Rodney!" Beckett said.

Elizabeth let the comment in one ear and out the other, "Actually I was hoping we could find a way to randomly pick a couple people who would be the official judges. This can be finalized later; right now I just want a list of who is making what, and what they need."

"Well that about covers everything for this meeting. I know you all have lots to do. Just make sure you are ready tomorrow since all of you will be going."

"Yeah great, so we can all have a great big family outing to the local supermarket. Oh joy!" snarked Rodney. "Ow!"

This earned him a slap on the back of the head from Sheppard. With that Elizabeth, Caldwell, and Beckett quickly left the conference room.


	3. Chapter 3: There to Earth

Chapter Three: There to Earth

Surprisingly many of the expedition members had been receptive to the idea of a Thanksgiving bake-off and when Elizabeth collected the list, she was rather shocked by the response. She headed to her office to make a quick copy of the list before proceeding to the jumper bay to give it to the team before they left for earth.

In the jumper bay the Colonel was already prepping for the flight. However the rest of his team had not arrived by the time Elizabeth entered bringing with her a copy of the list. She walked over to the back of the jumper, up the ramp inside, and sat down next to the pilot.

"Hey," said John without looking at her looking at the HUD instead.

"Hey yourself," replied Elizabeth, "So I brought the sign-up sheet for the dinner."

"Goodie I get to go grocery shopping with McKay. Do you realize how horrible that's going to be?" whined John playfully.

"Somehow I think you'll survive," retorted Elizabeth. "I was reading who signed up on the walk over here and a surprising number of people are interested in this. Teyla is making some Athosian dish; Carson is making some Scottish thing…"

"You know he'll never hear the end of it from Rodney if it involves anything weird," cut in John.

"However, there is one on here I am most interested about," began Elizabeth.

"Mmm really….and what's that?"

"Name: Sheppard. Dish: It's a secret," said Elizabeth playfully. "So since when can you cook?"

John put on a very innocent face and replied, "That's for me to know and you to find out. I am not telling you anything. What part of 'it's a secret' don't you get?"

Elizabeth was forestalled from trying to pry anymore due to the loud whining of McKay as he entered the jumper with Ronon and Teyla. "Yes, yes, this is not that big of a deal. It's a large building with lots of shelves full of everything you could want to eat."

"Let me get this straight," said Ronon as he sat down behind the passenger's seat. "One building contains an entire market?"

"Yes, are their not individual stalls for each vendor?" chimed in Teyla.

"Ok kids," cut in John to stop Rodney from having a meltdown. He had obviously been over this a few times, and was still having problems try to explain to them what a supermarket was. "You guys will see it when we get there."

"Well I had better leave you all to it," said Elizabeth as she exited the jumper leaving the list on the console of the jumper in which Rodney picked up soon after.

"Huh," scoffed Rodney.

"McKay…not a word," cautioned John.

A few minutes afterwards he burst out into laughter. "Sheppard you are on this list? And Ronon? What are you going to do, poison us all?"

"Gee Rodney you are so supportive. Wait what are you making Ronon?" John asked turning around to face him.

Ronon just smiled saying, "That's my business isn't it?" as he slouched back and folded his arms across him chest.

"Okaaayy well are we ready now?" asked Rodney impatiently.

"Yeah let's get this show on the road," replied John.

"What show?" asked Teyla inquisitively.

John sighed, "Never mind."

With a final 'good luck' from Elizabeth up in the control room, the jumper headed through the gate to Earth via the newly completely second midway station.

They arrived at the SGC without a hitch and docked the jumper in the bay attached to the Gateroom. However, when they disembarked they found a couple visitors waiting for them.

As the team exited the jumper they met Teal'c, Vala, and Cam who were milling by the entrance.

"Hey look, a welcoming party," called John.

"Well we heard through the grapevine that some special visitors were coming to the SGC and had some down time," Cam replied.

"Well, actually Cameron, I thought that we needed to give a proper welcoming to our guests from Pegasus," Vala chimed in smiling.

"I didn't get a welcoming party the last time," said John putting on a pouty look.

"Well that was just you Sheppard," Rodney snarked, "We are a little more important."

"Actually Doctor McKay, we are here to welcome Miss Emmagan and Specialist Dex who are not from this planet," replied Teal'c.

"Yeah people from Earth can be a little weird," said Vala.

"Yes, we have certainly noticed," responded Teyla.

"Ok well Vala and Teal'c why don't you show Teyla and Ronon around. Shep, you and I have a briefing to attend," suggested Cam.

"Yep see you guys afterwards for our little errand," said John as they parted ways.

Vala was already talking animatedly with Teyla and Ronon and Teal'c were sizing each other up. Cam turned to John and said, "So how long do you thing before those two test each other out in the gym?"

"Not long, my money's on Ronon though," replied John as they started to walk down the hall.

"HEY, so what about me?" asked McKay rather angrily.

"What you wanna attend the briefing?" snarked John.

"And I though he was supposed to be a genius," replied Cam solemnly.

"Hey…." spluttered McKay.

"Well that's what you get for thinking," added John

"True," replied Cam.

"But…" started McKay.

"Why don't you go bug Carter or something?" suggested Cam causing Rodney to stop walking as he pondered the suggestion.

"McKay!?!" shouted John as he smacked him on the back of the head, startling Rodney out of his reverie.

"Leaving!" and with that the pilots waved goodbye to one rather annoying astrophysicist.

"Yep Sam is going to kill us," stated Cam matter-of-factually as they headed down the hall towards the briefing. He turned to his fellow pilot and smiled.

"Not us, you. I fully intend to miss that little conversation," replied John grinning.

"Do you intend to miss this conversation gentleman?" asked General Landry who had snuck up behind them.

"No sir!" replied both Colonels as they entered the briefing room after the general.

After the briefing, which was relatively short, the two air force colonels left to find their missing team mates because SG-1 actually had a mission it was scheduled for and SGA-1 had to finish theirs. They checked the gym first for Ronon and Teal'c and to Cam's surprise it was Teal'c picking himself up from the mat. Ronon just looked at them with a smug grin on his face as he lent a hand to help Teal'c. Sheppard leaned over to Mitchell and said, "Pay up." So Cam begrudgingly had to do just that.

Finding McKay was pretty easy as well; they just had to listen for fighting. McKay had indeed gone to visit a certain blonde colonel and the two could be heard going at it a hallway away. They looked into the lab and John leaning on the doorway said, "McKay can't you just play nice offworld at all?"

"He can't play nice on any world Colonel," replied Sam smiling at the visitors.

"'He' is standing right here," snarked Rodney.

"We're leaving McKay," said Ronon.

John replied, "Well actually, once we find Teyla and Vala we are."

"I can help you with that actually," said Sam.

Cam spoke up and said, "Yeah we kinda have a present for you guys since you don't make it to Earth all that frequently."

With that Sam picked up three shopping bags from under a table and presented them to John, Ronon, and Rodney. "We thought that you guys might look a little weird going to the grocery in your Atlantis uniforms," explained Sam.

"Yeah and Ronon's blaster might scare some of the kiddies out with their moms," added Cam.

Sam left them to change as she went to go see how Vala and Teyla were doing.

"Hope you guys like what we picked out," said Cam as Carter shut the door.

"Yes it was the focus of our last team night out," added Teal'c.

"Yeah Vala and Sam picked out Teyla's outfit and Jackson, Teal'c and I did your guys'," explained Cam.

"Thanks, I think," replied John, "Well let's see what the damage is."

They guys of SG-1 had done a pretty good job. They had picked out jeans for all three. Rodney had a long sleeve t-shirt that was blue with a short sleeve white t-shirt to go over it saying "I don't know what makes you dumb. But it really works." For Ronon they had picked out a red shirt that said "The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list" and a navy zip up Adidas jacket to go with it. For John they got him a black t-shirt that said, "Sarcasm is one of the services I offer," and a black button up shirt to go over it. (Which of course he rolled up the sleeves and left un-buttoned.) The guys had finished changing and were just starting to make fun of each other when they heard a knock on the door and in came Sam, Vala, and Teyla.

The girls had certainly done a number on Teyla as they were speechless when she entered. She looked very much the part of a sexy earth female and was wearing nice fitting jeans, brown boots, a white halter top, and tan leather jacket. She also had her hair pulled back in a messy bun. "Well see, I told you they'd be speechless," said Vala rather smugly.

"Wow, Teyla you look…..er…nice," said John.

Teyla smiled and replied, "Thank you. Should we not be going though?"

"Yeah we probably should, uhh thanks guys it's been fun," said John.

They were just entering the hallway when Cam remembered he still had something left to give them. He tossed John a pair of keys who recognized them as he caught them.

"Well I you never did take your car anywhere after that stunt you guys pulled to get your city back," explained Cam. "I just took it out for a spin and totally trashed it for you though, but I did gas it up."

"Thanks a bunch," replied John rolling his eyes. "I'll remember that when I am at store looking at several things I could get to pay you back," turning back to his team he asked, 'So we ready?"

With that the team waved goodbye to SG-1 and headed to the elevator that would take them to the parking garage to go finish their mission. 'Operation Shopping'


	4. Chapter 4: Cars and Walmart Fun

Chapter Four: Cars and Wal-Mart Fun

(_Part 4 of 5)_

--Parking Garage--

As they made there way out of the elevator into the garage, Sheppard took the lead, since it was his car they were taking. He led them through the maze of rows of cars. The spaces closest to the elevator, of course were reserved for the high-ranking members of the military stationed at the SGC. Three entire rows were filled with black cars used for official SGC business, and the rest of the garage was filled with an assortment of vehicles driven by the remaining employees of the mountain. Finally, they arrived at an out of the way corner of the garage. Only a few cars were parked in the dimly lit row; a battered looking Ford pick-up that had obviously seen better days, a vintage looking white VW Beetle Bug, and tucked away in the corner a black BMW convertible that was barely discernable in the light.

McKay, who was getting sick of walking around the garage quipped, "You must have mad a lot of people mad to have your personal parking space put all the way out here."

"No, I could have parked fairly close to the elevator, but I chose not to thank you very much," replied Sheppard with an eye roll.

Rodney walked over the first car which was the Bug, "Hmm lets figure out what the surprise ride it. Well, Herbie over here doesn't seem like the type you'd drive. Unless of course you were going for the whole race car thing."

Teyla shot John a confused look and asked, "Herbie?"

John who had stopped and leaned against a column to let McKay appraise each car, folded his arms, and replied, "Don't ask. We'll watch it on our next team movie night."

Ronon who was standing next to the colonel replied, "Uh I don't think I will fit in that thing, it's too small." Referring to the size of the Bug.

Next McKay walked up the old Ford pick-up. "Now this is pathetic looking. I can see why you'd be too embarrassed to park up near the elevator. Hey Ronon, at least you'll fit in this."

Sheppard, who still had an amused look on his face turned to Ronon and said, "Yeah, he's right. You would fit in that thing."

Finally Rodney walked up behind the Beemer. "Now, this is cool," he said as he inspected it further, "Whoa, a black 2007 Z4 3.0 si Roadster. Holy crap, I envy who owns this car."

Ronon walked over to join Rodney said, "Hmm now this is nice. It looks like something your James Bond would drive."

"Oooh let me guess, you park out here just so you can catch a glimpse of this everyday," began McKay pointing towards the convertible before heading backs towards the Ford, "Well let's all pile into the piece of crap Sheppard drives."

"No, I park out here because I don't like door-dings Rodney," replied John solemnly hitting the unlock button on his key fob causing the lights of the BMW to flash. "For someone who professes to be a genius, you can be pretty stupid sometimes."

Rodney turned looking from the car to John, looking dumbfounded. Ronon grinned, and Teyla looked like she was trying to not smile at McKay.

McKay however quickly turned from looking angry to looking quite amused at himself, "Oh Sheppard, this car of yours only seats two."

John shrugged and replied, "I know that, but you wanted to know what I drove. All you whining in the elevator ride here confirmed that."

Rodney shot back a sarcastic retort, "Oh yeah so what, two of us are walking?"

"No, we just split up and meet at the store. Your car is parked here too if I am not mistaken."

"Shotgun," said Ronon triumphantly standing next to the passenger seat of the sports car.

"Very well," replied Teyla shooting a dark look at Ronon, "Dr. McKay and I will meet you at the market. I am sure whatever he drives is perfectly acceptable." She said taking McKay by the arm and began to lead him back the way they had come towards the office by the elevator so he could retrieve his keys.

--McKay's Car--

They had gone back to pick up Rodney's keys and soon after Teyla had found herself in the passenger seat of a navy Chevy suburban with a disgruntled McKay heading down the highway.

"How did he afford that thing?" rambled McKay as he drove. "He must not have spent much when he lived in Antarctica and then there's all the Atlantis pay. But still ….."

"Rodney, calm down," replied Teyla, "You are not jealous are you?"

"Of course I am!" replied Rodney forcefully as he exited the highway onto the street leading to the store, "It's just not fair."

A few minutes later McKay pulled into the parking lot to find that Wal-Mart was fairly busy that afternoon. _Oh boy, let the fun begin_, though Rodney to himself. His musings were interrupted at a sight he found at the back of the parking lot removed from the other cars. _Oh my god_, thought Rodney, for all he could do was watch as a black convertible did doughnuts in uninhabited section of the lot. He could just barely see the occupants of the vehicle, but he could see the dreadlocks of the guy in the passenger seat streaming out.

Teyla turned to him and asked, "What is that car doing? That's not the Colonel and Ronon is it?"

Rodney parked his car near a light pole in the back of the lot, and he and Teyla got out. Seconds later the convertible pulled in a space away from theirs. Both occupants were looking pleased with themselves as they exited the car.

"See Ronon, aren't you glad you didn't ride with McKay?" joked John.

Rodney stepped forward and glared at the two of them, "You are so immature Sheppard."

"I know." Replied John smiling, "At least I know how to have a little fun, and can pick out a good car. A suburban McKay? Why?"

Teyla had the good sense to intervene at this point and asked, "Shall we get started. I know we are due back at Atlantis in a couple of hours."

They boys looked a little guilty in her direction before starting to make their way towards the entrance of the store. "Oh yeah, ix nay on the whole Atlantis and other world thing," said John quietly to the two aliens.

"Of course." Replied both nodding in agreement as they walked into Wal-Mart. As they entered the store, the greater welcomed them to Wal-Mart and Ronon shot him a dark look that sent the man quickly moving away from the team.

"Geeze Conan, you don't have to scare everybody off," whined McKay as attempted to pull a cart from the long row next to the entrance. To which the Runner replied un-sticking the difficult basket for the scientist with ease, "He seemed shifty to me."

"Okay kids, we'll get this done faster if we split up and get everything we need that way," commented John handing half the list to Rodney. "We'll probably fill up more than one cart anyway. Hey Ronon, why don't you help McKay? Teyla and I will work on the other part of the list." They all agreed to the logic of the plan, but not before McKay complained to all, "I hate grocery shopping."

--Wal-Mart Isle--

Ronon had never seen so many items of food at one time, in one place before. He had to pay careful attention though, to the colorful labels as he tried to locate the few items he needed for his dish. Whenever he would throw something into the cart McKay was driving, the scientist would start to badger him again about what exactly he was going to make. He also noticed that even though the store was filled with people, they all seemed to make plenty of room for him. The children seemed to stare in awe at him before their mothers would grab their hands saying, 'it's not polite to stare honey,' and lead them away from the 'scary man with long hair.' McKay just laughed whenever this happened, but Ronon shrugged it off.

_There were perks to shopping with Ronon,_ though McKay to himself. _He sure makes it easier to get around by scaring off all the evil moms who are too pokey. _It was true, however. Normally, when Rodney would go shopping he'd have to wait patiently for them to move about their business. However, Rodney was not a patient fellow and could not stand them as they deliberated which cereal to buy, or what sauce was on sale. So occasionally, a sarcastic comment would slip out, and he would offend some people a little. Sometimes this turning into all out rivalry as both respective parties finished their shopping, making it as difficult for each other to achieve their goals as possible. But, with Ronon around they never tried to respond or show offence at all.

Unfortunately for Rodney a bit of bad luck hit him. Ronon was recruited by some cute and rather daring brunette to get something for her from the top shelf, the Runner was only too happy to help. McKay was left without his large shadow for a few minutes. During this time he finally found the obscure spice that Radek wanted for his dish. As luck would have it, there was only one container left. Rodney reached up to grab it off the shelf, but collided mid swipe with a rather menacing looking old lady.

"Um, excuse me. Just trying to reach something," said Rodney in his normal tone. However the old lady was tougher than most and replied, "Oh yes, let me move out of the way for you young man. I just need this spice." She said as she plucked the spice container right out from under McKay's grasp.

"Hey, I was going to pick that up," whined McKay glaring at the old lady.

The lady put on an innocent look and replied, "Oh, I am sorry, but I really need this. I am on my second bi-monthly shopping trip and need it for a special dish."

"I don't care, but look lady I really need that spice. Trust me when I say, I go to store less than you do," snarked McKay trying to grab the spice back from the old lady's basket.

However, at that moment Ronon walked back and tapped McKay on the shoulder. Rodney spun around, giving the old lady a chance to quickly exit the isle with her prize. "McKay why are you terrorizing that old woman?"

Rodney huffed, "I am not terrorizing her. She sneakily stole the spice Radek wants for his dish. It's the last one. Thanks, now you let her escape."

Ronon looked at the shelf, "No McKay, Look there's another one way in the back, see? I'll get it." The runner reached his arm into the far reaches of the spice shelf, and when he removed his hand it was holding the needed spice Radek wanted. "There, let's move on," said Ronon as he tossed the spice into the cart. The two continued to pick up the necessary items from their list.

--Wal-Mart Isle--

Teyla had shopped on many worlds and in many different markets before, but this place called Wal-Mart was the best by far that she had ever been to. Everything was here, and all packaged colorfully in a way that was pleasing to the eyes. The people were friendly to…many mothers and their children getting the things they needed. However, it was hard for her to adjust since all one had to do was put the item they needed in the cart. There was no bartering involved and the concept of paying with money at the front was odd to her. Not all the people that she saw were nice though. Some of the children especially seemed to have little respect for their elders and would wine and complain if they did not get what they wanted. She asked John about his and replied that many of the people on his world were quite spoiled. Especially those that lived in his country, there was little to threaten their way of life. She marveled at the easy going nature of the people shopping there.

One thing that also struck Teyla was the type of people shopping. They were mostly woman, and a lot of them seemed to give her envious looks. It didn't dawn on her until she started noticing how they would look, well stare at John, and then back at her jealously. She wondered if this was that Kirk thing that Rodney always teased him about. She almost wanted to point out that they were only good friends, she realized that perhaps these women assumed too much.

Finally, they had completely their portion of the shopping list and set out to find the other half of their team. It was easy to spot the two guys, because they could hear Rodney before they saw him. Fortunately they had finished their shopping as well, so the four of them headed to the check-out line. Unfortunately, the situation of open check out lines was no different than normal. Even though there were many stations to choose from, only a handful were open. Since they had two very full carts of items to purchase, the 12 Items or Less line wasn't going to cut it. They settled in to wait at the back of the line for station number 26.

--Check-Out Number 26--

Rodney hated grocery shopping. All the people who were too indecisive bothered him. Once he finally had gathered all of the needed items, there was the infernal wait at the check-out line. He hated lines with a passion. McKay was staring off looking as some of the trashy tabloids that lined the front of the check-out when he realized that the line had not moved up for some time. The person currently checking out was taking forever. Rodney looked up and cringed as he saw that it was the evil old lady from the spice isle pulling out her coupons and making sure each one was entered in correctly. "God, is this ever going to end," he whined loudly to no one in particular.

Unfortunately he said this a little too loudly as the old hag turned around to glare at him, obviously having heard his comment. "Just a minute, I think I have another couple of coupons in here," said the old lady sweetly to the cashier eliciting a groan from everyone in the line as she started to dig around in her purse again.

"Smooth McKay, now we are going to be here for forever, and a day," drawled Sheppard.

Rodney looked positively outraged, "Well she's the evil lady from the spice isle who is taking forever. I can't help I'm impatient!"

Ten minutes later after the old lady had given up pretending to look for coupons and insisting on paying in exact change, they finally found themselves at the front of the line. John paid for their goods with the credit card and the team pushed their carts out to where the cars were parked. After loading the groceries into McKay's van, they set out back to the mountain. This time Ronon road with McKay, so that Teyla could ride in the convertible.

By the time that they arrived at the mountain and unloaded their goods off to a bunch of marines who were to take care of the packing of them, they discovered that SG-1 had already set out on their scheduled mission, so the team was unable to thank them for their shopping outfits. Once they finished changing back into their Atlantis uniforms it was time for them to head back. They met the marines leaving the bay after finishing packing the jumper for them, leaving the team ready to head home. Half an hour later they had landed in the jumper bay and as they exited they were met by a crew that was to unload the jumper and make sure everything made it to the kitchen, and a cheerful looking Elizabeth and Carson.

"So any injuries I need to look at?" teased Carson. "You all didn't get into too much trouble I hope."

"Yes, how was your mission? Did you guys find everything okay?" asked Elizabeth.

"Other than McKay almost fighting an old lady over a thing of spices," replied Sheppard grinning at Rodney, "I think it counts as a success. Don't get used to it though."

"Hey," whined Rodney as he, John, Ronon, and Carson headed down the hall, "She was seriously evil, I mean at the checkout line she…"he continued to try and defend himself when Teyla pulled Elizabeth aside and said, "Trust me, you do not want to know." The two women veered off a side hall to miss the argument that had started between the guys, although it was a little audible still:

_She was just an old lady McKay._

_No, Conan, she was evil, did you see her looking for her non existent coupons just to annoy me?_

_Rodney, you were rude to her. No wonder she tried to make you mad._

_I'm like that to everyone Colonel. _

_Yes, you are rude._

_No, Ronon, not rude. Truthful!_

_That's what you call it?_

_Yeah yeah……_

a/n: holy moley 2919 words in this chapter and 7 pages long, wow! (Not including this note)


	5. Chapter 5: Game On

Chapter Five: Game On

Not long after the team had arrived back, were the groceries sorted according to participants and official rules of the cook-off sent out via email to everyone.

_TO: All Personnel_

_Subject: Cook-off Rules_

_As of yesterday all of the remaining necessary goods were purchased to complete all the entrant's recipes, therefore the plan is to have our cook-off the day of Thanksgiving. Contestants may enter under one of three categories: main dish, side, or dessert. All dishes will be made twice, once for the judges and one larger portion to share at the dinner that will commence at the close of the contest to celebrate Thanksgiving. Entrants may start cooking anytime after 8 am, and we will sit down to eat at three AST, hopefully providing everyone with enough time to complete their dishes. _

_However, we are in need of judges. If you are interested, submit your name to Dr. Zelenka who has in conjunction with Hermiod written a program to randomly select five people to be our judges. This will take place at 7 am the morning of the cook-off. _

_In the event of an emergency, said cook-off will be postponed. All questions may be sent to Dr. Weir._

_Good Luck and Happy Thanksgiving!_

Elizabeth was excited about her little project. Everyone she talked to seem to share her sentiments as well. Sadly, the gamblers (This however, included most of the expedition, organized by Zelenka) had already analyzed the list of participants and had placed bets on who would win each category. There also was a pool for who would have the worst tasting dish. Dr. Heightmeyer was projected to win the main dish with all the hype about her fabulous lasagna. One of the German scientists apparently used to be a pastry chief so she was slated to win the dessert category. Many were a little leery of what Ronon was going to make, although no one would dare admit it to his face for fear of bodily injury, nonetheless he was favored to have the worst tasting dish.

Finally, the morning of the competition came and those competing were assembled in the mess. There was plenty of room for everyone to work because several of the adjoining rooms to the main kitchen contained many workstations that would allow all to complete their dishes. The normal kitchen staff were forbidden to enter as they would be cooking the main portion of the feast. In total there were 50 contestants. 15 were entering the dessert part, 15 for the side dish category, and 20 entering a dish under the main course category. There were marines, scientists, medical personnel, and a few of the Athosians entering, not to mention Ronon as well. The excitement was palpable in the air as Dr. Weir entered with Dr. Zelenka who was carrying a laptop. The two took up a place at the front of the room, and everyone quieted to listen to what they had to say.

"Welcome everyone," began Elizabeth, "Hopefully this will be the start of a tradition here on Atlantis. First of all, I just wanted to remind everyone that there will be no sabotaging of anyone's dish, or bribing the judges, since the winner of each category will be earning a special prize. So if there are no questions, we will proceed with the choosing of the judges, Radek?"

Zelenka nodded and typed some things on his computer, "Okay this program was designed to randomly select five names to be our judges. If you are called please come forward. Ah…first off: Major Lorne."

Applause as the Major walked forward. Dr. Weir continued to introduce the judges: "Secondly, Dr. Lindsay Novak from the Daedalus."

There was also applause for the female Doctor who always seemed to hic-up. "Thirdly our very own gate technician, Chuck. (Applause from everyone who had ever stepped through the gate). Our fourth judge is Colonel Caldwell. (Respectful applause.) And our last judge for the cook off is……"

"Rodney?" Came Zelenka's voice containing a hint of disappointment.

"Yes, uh. Dr. McKay is our last judge," finished Elizabeth.

Rodney beamed as he walked up to join the rest of the group, however nobody was applauding. The irritable scientist was going to make things difficult, to say the least. Sheppard turned to Ronon and said semi-loudly, "Well we all know why he entered to be a judge, so he could eat more." This caused everyone within earshot to snicker.

Elizabeth shot the colonel one of her death glares before continuing on, "Yes, these are the judges who will observe the competition and determine the winners of each category, so without further ado, let the cook-off begin."

--Cook-Off Zone 3--

"What? Are you trying to kill me? _Lemon _Poppy seed cake? How am I supposed to sample that?" Came a grating voice from the other end of the room, causing a collective sigh to occur in the contestants. "And you! _Lemon_ and herb chicken? Murderers all of you!" The voice had raised another octave in its owner's desperation. Everyone within earshot averted their eyes and tried to look focused on their work. "I am disgusted! Ach, _lemon_ meringue pie?!? I can't work under these conditions!"

"Rodney, that's why there are four other judges who _can_ eat everything," supplied the only one in the room who dared to give the scientist a little taste of their own medicine. "Why did you volunteer to be a judge if you have food allergies?"

McKay stomped over to the station Sheppard was working at, "It's a conspiracy I tell you!" raising his voice, "You all are out to get me! You're doing it on purpose so I can't judge your food. I'm sure it's not _all _crappy tasting!"

"Yes McKay, see just tell everyone how terrible their food tastes and then they'll like you even more," retorted the Colonel sarcastically as he diced up tomatoes putting them into a bowl next to the already sliced green pepper, black olives, and mushrooms.

Rodney put his hands on his hips and glared at the pilot, "Well it's true. How many of the dishes are going to suck? I mean look at you, like you can cook well? What are you making? A salad!"

"Oh, you may be a "genius", replied Sheppard putting air quotes around 'genius', "But you can be pretty stupid sometimes. It's not a salad, and people can surprise you. Look at Ronon, he cooks too."

Ronon, who was working at the station next to John, look up and pointed at his dish, smiling at McKay.

"Oh yes, let me go try Conan's Satedan Surprise," snarked McKay rolling his eyes looking at the bubbling pot of mystery ingredients, "I am sure seven years of cooking on the run made you a gourmet chef."

Ronon started to crack his knuckles while glaring at McKay, when Lorne walked up to join the little group, "Dr. McKay, not taking bribes are we?"

Rodney huffed and replied, "As if I would sink that low Major. Neither of these look remotely appetizing!"

"I don't know, the Colonel's over here looks pretty appealing," stated Lorne matter-of-factly as he watched his CO start to mix flour and other dry ingredients into dough.

"Why thank you major, at least one of our judges has something other than insults to say. It's called positive reinforcement Rodney; maybe you should try it sometime!"

--Cook-Off Zone 1--

Colonel Steven Caldwell was a man of many tastes, and good food happened to be one of them. He took a great deal of pride in his passion for an excellent dish, and considered himself to be a bit of a food critic. The fact that he was an avid fan of the food network was not something he advertised at work, however he not only liked to sample food, but create it as well. That was why he had submitted his name to be a judge. He felt that he was more than qualified to determine a suitable winner, plus he would have an advantage since many would underestimate the upstanding military man.

Caldwell was silently patrolling the cooking zone, taking in everything. He had already picked up on the people who obviously had a passion for working in the kitchen. The creativity and genius of some of them was astounding. Then again, some were just plain pathetic. These were the people who really did not get out of the office enough to practice the fine art of cooking. Steven turned the corner to find a perfect example staring him in the face. Not literally of course, she was actually in the middle of frosting a slightly lop-sided cake. "Dr. Weir how goes your cake making endeavor?" he asked politely.

She looked up from her cake and Caldwell could see the flour dust contrasting greatly against her usually spotless black pants. She also had a little bit of frosting on the side of her face. Yep, it was apparent that this work-a-holic did not get into the kitchen that much. "Oh, in all honesty I hope this cake tastes better than it looks," she replied with a smile, "I do not get around to practicing that much anymore."

Steven returned her smile with a polite one of his own and said, "Well, I could see how one really would not have too much time to do that here."

"Sadly, I have to agree with that statement," replied Elizabeth.

Further conversation was forestalled at their attention was drawn to the opposite end of the room where the biting tones of one of Caldwell's fellow judges was chewing someone out rather loudly. _You told me I could try it, but failed to mention that there was LEMON in it! You are just lucky I have my Benadryl on me! _

Caldwell had been hearing complaints about McKay's behavior since the start of the competition, and by now he was pretty fed up with the over-vocal physicist. "If you will excuse me Dr. Weir, I need to go have a word with Dr. McKay."

Elizabeth watched as he strode over to Rodney and said to no one in particular, "Best of luck with that," and then resumed the work of decorating her cake.

--Cook-Off Zone 2--

After being chewed out by Caldwell for being too pessimistic, Rodney wandered over to where Chuck and Novak were standing, entranced by _something_ interesting. To his surprise, he soon found himself drawn in as well. The German ex-pastry-chef-turned-scientist was in the middle of creating a masterpiece. Dr. Werden was creating some highly complex bonbons of a sort, and all three judges could not help but stare.

"Hic-up," started Dr. Novak, "How does she do it? It looks like ones you'd see at some high end restaurant."

Chuck nodded his head in agreement even though they were all focused on Werden, "This is going to be excellent to test taste."

By this point in the competition Rodney was really starting to get hungry, but all his test-tasting attempts had turned into fiascos. However, it never hurt to ask right? So he asked Dr. Werden in his most polite voice, "Any chance that perhaps we could sample some of your delicious looking work?" Unconsciously moving closer to the work station.

"Nein," was her brusque response.

"Nine samples! Sweet!" came McKay's enthusiastic response as he reached a hand for one of the completed plates of truffles.

However his fingers soon were smacked away as the German scientist brought her wooden spoon down on his hand saying angrily, "Nein means NO, dummkopf!"

"I think that means 'no free samples' McKay," replied Chuck with a smile.

Novak also chimed in, "_Hic_, I think she called you an _hic_ idiot _hic_ as well."

The two giggled as McKay stalked away massaging his still stinging hand. Humph, since when did people have to be so violent? He just wanted to test taste a little. Was everyone out to get him? Elizabeth had said this was supposed to be fun, well right now he most certainly was not having _fun!_

--Dish Submission and Judging Zone--

"Pizza? For thanksgiving?" queried Rodney as he watched the platter being put down before him.

"It looks like really good pizza," chimed in Chuck, who was standing next to McKay, also taking submissions.

"Well what else am I going to eat while watching football?"

"You have some seriously screwed up logic Colonel," retorted McKay.

'Thanks Rodney!" replied Sheppard before exiting the submission line. He heard Rodney call 'next' before starting to criticize their work as well. John wandered over to where Elizabeth was standing and said, "You know, he's worse than Simon from American Idol."

Elizabeth smiled and replied, "I think I would have to agree with you on that. However some of the contestants got sick of his negative comments and started to fight back. Half of them added lemon in some way to their recipe so that he can't eat it."

"Poor Rodney, will he ever learn?" said John in a mock innocent voice as they continued to watch as McKay handled the submission of more dishes.

"RONON you have to take it out of the POT and put it on SOMETHING! You don't just hand someone a hot pot," cried McKay, "I think I burnt my hand! I need a medic. Ahh the flesh, it burns."

Lorne walked up to Rodney with Carson in tow and said, "Calm down McKay, go with Dr. Beckett and I'll take it from here."

Carson led the distraught scientist away as he kept muttering about 'sabotage' and 'stupid cavemen who didn't know basic kitchen safety.'

--Thanksgiving Dinner in the Mess--

Finally the time had come for most of the city's inhabitants to sit down for the long awaited Thanksgiving meal. Even those who were still on duty manning their posts would be rotated out so that everyone could get to enjoy at least a little of the feast. The little tables in the mess hall had been pushed together to form five really long tables that had been covered with table clothes, really they were pilfered sheets but it was the thought that really mattered, so that everyone could eat together as a family, since that's what they were, one really big extended Atlantis family.

The kitchen staff had really outdone themselves, creating numerous dishes from different nationalities to supplement the other dishes created by the cook-off contestants. There of course was the traditional American Thanksgiving fair as well, consisting of several Turkeys (or their Pegasus galaxy equivalents), corn, cranberry sauce, potatoes, pumpkin pie etc.

Everyone was eating and talking and having an all around good time together. Since the tables were all combined military mixed with scientist creating interesting table discussion between the brains and brawn of the expedition. Several of the Athosians had also been transported to the city to take part in this Earth custom that they had heard about, and were rather enjoying themselves as well.

--At the table--

At one end of the long table, most of the senior staff sat eating together. They had made a sport out of trying all of the different dishes located at their end. However, there was one dish that no one was brave enough to try. The dish just did not look edible. It was a disgusting looking greenish brown goopy mess. The whole thing just looked vile.

Ronon sat munching out of a large bowl of his creation and remarked at the mix of disgusted and odd looks thrown his direction, "Tastes good to me."

Rodney rolled his eyes and replied sarcastically, "Of course it does. You'll eat anything."

"Try it McKay," said Ronon pro-offering the bowl.

Rodney made a disgusted face and shook his head, "Nah, I think I'll pass."

However the look Ronon gave him quickly made him change his mind, "Okay…ah on second thought….maybe a little bit won't hurt."

The scientist dipped his spoon into the bowl and hesitantly put it in his mouth and swallowed before replying, "Whoa…what's in this stuff?"

Ronon chuckled and replied, "Old family recipe."

"Oh, well pass me some more of that stuff!" Causing everyone around to burst into laughter.

--Later On--

Dinner was winding down as everyone sat sipping on their drinks or attempting to finish any last remaining desserts. The five judges of the cook-off rose and gathered at the front of the room to announce the winners of the contest. It was Colonel Caldwell who made the long anticipated announcement, "The other judges and I have sampled all of the submitted entries and have decided upon winners from each category. The winner of the side dish category is Dr. Zelenka with his unique borsch."

Radek walked up to the front where the judges were to claim his prize, a large goodie box filled with gourmet coffee and chocolate. "The winner of the main dish category," continued Lorne this time, "Was actually a tie, between Dr. Heightmeyer's lasagna and Colonel Sheppard's pizza. Interestingly enough, Italian cuisine does work for Thanksgiving."

Both winners walked up to claim their prize which consisted of two bottles of expensive wine and a large box of assorted chocolate. (Chocolate was a prime item to have on the city, and in shortages a well stocked person could sell some for a steep price on the city's black-market.) "So I guess we get to split it then?" remarked Sheppard.

"Lastly, our winner from the dessert category," finished Caldwell, "Is Dr. Werner, who by unanimous vote and popular demand dominated the category with her exquisite truffles and bonbons."

This came as no surprise, since everyone who had had one of them had been instantly transported to a five second heaven. Dr. Werner had also won a large box of gourmet chocolates, wine, and coffee.

Afterwards everyone was forced to vacate the mess, so that it could be cleaned for dinner. Most of the women chose to head to the media room, where they would be showing a Thanksgiving classic, _Miracle on 34__th__ Street_. The sports fans however, broke off to head to the gym where they were projecting the day's football game that the SGC had generously taped and sent via data burst to the city.

Before they parted ways however, the two city leaders stepped aside to comment on the day's activities. "So, what's your plan for Christmas? Decorating contest? Secret Santa?" joked Sheppard.

"Hmmm, not a bad idea Colonel," replied Elizabeth cheekily before walking into the media room, "I'll remember your suggestions, just know you thought of it, so you plan it!"

That left John standing outside the door silently shaking his head. _Oh that would be fun, not! Then again…….he could always annoy McKay with Christmas carols 24/7._

"Christmas is coming…." Or "On the first day of Christmas…"

---

Author's Note: (3131 words of story, Cool!)

Wow, I finished the first FF I ever started. I definitely can see the differences in my writing from when I first started this fic to how I went about completing it (I think I have totally improved since then). Thank you to whoever has actually followed it from the beginning and I am really sorry about the long delays, really long delays, BUT it's done. Thank goodness. I am never doing a WIP again if I can help it! I feel too bad when I don't get around to updating it regularly.

lemons


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